*IF Ye HaVe DeSiReS tO SeRvE GoD Ye ArE CaLLEd to tHe WoRk*

Therefore, O ye that embark in the ^aservice of God, see that ye ^bserve him with all your heart, might, mind and strength, that ye may stand ^cblameless before God at the last day. Doctrine and Covenants 4:2

I am coming on my 1 year mark of being home, off my mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. As my mind reflects of all the things that have occurred in my life, the triumphs, tragedies, disappointments, lessons learned, strength obtained, I would like to take the world down a path of being a return missionary.

My last day in the mission field I was heading to Santa Rosa, California. Many thoughts were surrounding me, not knowing what the future held. Frazzled, if that's a word.....That's what I was feeling... Hard to explain, unless you have gone through it yourself.

Was I really prepared for what was to come, I remember a couple of days before my departure I was telling Heavenly Father how much I didn't want to go home, that I wanted to stay a missionary,
for forever! I remember grabbing a picture of the Savior and just held it. It was as if I felt him literally hugging me, and saying that everything was going to be okay!

The day I left the mission Heavenly Father blessed me in many different ways. I had the privilege of sitting by a sweet girl that was struggling with life, and I was able to testify to her the reality of the love that God had for her, and as a missionary you feel that love that much more that God has for others! It's true ask any missionary, and they can testify of that truth.

The air flight assistants were so kind and sweet

to me, they could see how anxious of how I was feeling. The moment of seeing my family was an amazing opportunity, Not everyone was able to make it to the airport. Though there love and support was greatly received from me<3 When you put your whole soul into serving the Lord the reality of not being able to serve in that capacity is hard to take in.

I remember being in denial, that I was home off the mission. I put my whole soul into serving the Lord, and my heart is still with the people of California. I can't wait for the day to go back! :)

 I remember the moment I went into the office of  my stake president, who is in charge of releasing missionaries. He talked to me for a while, I was just in this denial of being home. I really didn't want to go home off the mission.

I could always tell when he would try and release me, and I would try and get him distracted from it. I remember asking for a priesthood blessing. And in that blessing he released me! Sneaky, Sneaky! He allowed me to go home, and take off my badge. The. Hardest. Thing. To. Do. Was knowing that I wasn't going to be able to put that name tag on anymore :(

It broke my heart :(  Any missionary will tell you that taking off your name tag is the hardest thing EVER! But, I felt that my mission was not over it was just going to be different without the nametag.


Now here comes the roller coaster! I didn't know what to do with my life. Missionary Work was my life. I was living the dream, nothing will be able to compare to what I had just experienced!

I promised myself to NEVER go back to who I was before the mission!

I remember praying to Heavenly Father asking what I should do with my life. Where should I live? Where should I go to school? Where should I work? How am I going to afford a car? I was expecting to be listened too, like I was as a missionary! Should I stay at home? Or should I move somewhere else? Hmmmm.......

I quickly learned that God does hear me and answer my prayers. But, they are not answered as fast as they were as a missionary! Missionaries are very special to Heavenly Father, and has a special place in his heart!

As you can imagine, I was being pulled in many directions by people. People and there opinions............ Sheesh! Yes. I value them, though who's opinion matters more? Gods, or humans? Of course, God's opinion would be of the most importance. I love him so much! One of the hardest things for me is when God allows me to make a decision on my own, and after I have made a choice he then confirms if I am on the right track or not.

I felt like that guy in the picture. Being pulled in many different directions. I wasn't sure what to do. I learned that with whatever decision you make if you are striving to live righteous, God will bless the situations you are undergoing. And put people in your path that need you, and who you need as well.

A talk that Elder Jeffery R. Holland gave to the missionaries in the Missionary Training Center back in 2011, where he shared with them that when you signed up to be a missionary, it was for forever!

When I signed up to be a missionary, I signed up to testify to the world that I KNOW that Jesus Christ lives! That I know he is in the details of our lives! Even now that I don't have a name tag on, I am still needed in Gods plan. and I will testify even if I am the last one on the battle field!

These past 12 months have not been the easiest....... They actually have been quite hard! Satan definitely tries to get you to forget the experiences, he tries to tell you that you didn't make a difference. But, we know better!

I am still going strong! You may ask what keeps you going? Why continue to try when your plans haven't worked out, when you felt that a prayer was answered, and turned out to be not what you expected.Though difficult to bear, I put my trust in the Lord. He knows me, doesn't he? Why wouldn't I trust him. His plans are far greater then mine.

I want to be able to stand before God and tell him that I have done my best! When the people whom I worked with on my mission see me again, I want them to know I was real with them, when I taught them! That the commitments I gave to them, meant something to me not just doing my duty for just a time, but that I meant it and I will do it forever! I want them to know that I am striving to live those standards too! That they are not alone! I will continue to be there missionary for forever!

Though I don't have a missionary badge on anymore, I have to remind myself that I am needed as much here in this area as I was in the full time missionaries side of the line! The pace of post-mission life is much slower then the full time missionary life, which took some time for me to get used too. Cause I have a go-go-go personality.

A missionary in this area told me once, When you take care of your spiritual needs first, your temporal needs will be met. What wise words from a young man that didn't know me at the time, didn't know what I was going through. But, said exactly what I needed to hear! That's when I know for certain that God knows me and what I am going through.

Life has it's challenges but, how thankful I am to know that there is a bigger picture. That God is aware of me, and has a plan for each of us! Being a return missionary has it's pro's and con's and it is not easy coming home. You have to go through it, to understand. How grateful I am for the many people God put in my path to help me through these difficult times! When you serve with all your heart, might, mind, and strength it will be hard to come home.


The Atonement of Jesus Christ is REAL! I am evidence of that, I know that God is our loving Heavenly Father. HE. IS. In. The. Details. Of. Our. Lives!

My mission means EVERYTHING to me, I don't go a day without thinking about someone, an experience I had, Life changing events, something about my mission is always on my mind. I am in love with the people that I served! I will hold these memories close to me for forever!

Advice to the missionary who just got home? I'm sorry, it will get easier with time! Keep yourself busy! Don't forget the people! They love you, and YOU! You! are there missionary! Don't forget them! It doesn't matter how tough it gets, How did you endure hardships on the mission?!?!? Go about it in the Lords way and you will never be led astray.